Cubicle Warfare

Published September 10, 2007
Cubicle Warfare
No one knows how it began, but your IT department and Accounts Payable are none-too-happy with each other. Harsh words have been exchanged, names have been called. The situation is coming to a head. Your boss in IT has set the status to DEF CON 2. He's warning everyone to arm themselves and get ready for combat. The CEO of the company tries to smooth things over. He calls for a last-minute meeting of the two departments in the neutral zone of the lunch room. Talks collapse. Tempers rise. You are about to make history as both sides gear up for the inevitable Cubicle War I. It's going to be bloody.

You're going to need munitions if you hope to survive.

And, although we do not condone violence (we just laugh at it when it happens), we just so happen to have a list of "office-friendly" firepower to help you beat Accounts Payable back to the 5th floor, where they belong.

For in-cubicle war, you'll need to set up a last-line of defense. A best bet is the $29.99 USB Missile Launcher. Control it from your computer so you don't have to get your hands "dirty." However, with only an 8-foot maximum range, it's good for close combat, but not for long range. For that, you're going to need something else.

A good, non-lethal choice is the $23.96 MegaZooka Air Gun. Blast your enemies with puffs of air from up to 20-feet away. Perfect for disheveling your enemy's hair. Accountants hate that.

When air isn't enough, $19.95 buys you Marshmallow Fun Company's Marshmallow Shooter. This pump-action, 20-round gat rockets mini-mallows up to 30-feet. Perfect for shooting at the known diabetics who are storming your office floor.

When things start getting weird, reach for this Chicken Chucker. Though it has a fairly short-range (about 15-feet), the surprise factor of this $4.99 chicken-throwing device cannot be ignored.

Lastly, bring the fight way over the top with the $19.99 Slingshot Animal Combo Pack. Just like the days of yore (at least, as I've seen in Monty Python's "Holy Grail") flying animals can make a great offense. Unleash six slingshot animals –- with realistic animal screams -- to finally win the war and show those accountants who's boss.

But remember, be gracious in victory. After all, the accountants still sign your paycheck.

Have a list of office-friendly arsenal you keep in your cube? Shoot us an e-mail and let us know your favorite office weaponry.

Jeff Somogyi