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If 'Candy' Gets Trademarked, What Do We Call These 8 Things?

We should all get used to John Candy's new name: Juan Caramelo.

It may be hard to believe, but — maker of the ridiculously popular Candy Crush game — is getting even closer to trademarking the word "candy". And already, has started sending out cease-and-desist letters to other entities that use the offending sweet-word.

This got us wondering what people and products might be at risk. And so, in ridiculous fashion, we've listed eight things that might be legally in danger for their use of the word candy. As a bonus, we've given them alternative name suggestions, in case mean ole comes a-knocking with a C-and-D letter.

Skullcandy Headphones

Skullcandy Headphones

Suggested Alternatives: Skullconfits; Ear Sweet Rolls; Wax Cans

Candy Cane Pile

Candy Canes

Suggested Alternatives: Sugar Hooks; Minty Question Marks; Those Things Shepherds Use, But Made of Sugar

John Candy Spaceballs
Word From Our Sponsors

John Candy

Suggested Alternatives: Juan Caramelo; Jean Bonbon; Johan Süßigkeiten

Candyman Film

Candyman (Film)

Suggested Alternatives: Bee-Mouth Man; What's That in the Mirror?; We Can Say His Name Three Times, But We Have to Pay Royalties Each Time

Sammy Davis Jr
Bling Cheese

"Candyman" (song by Sammy Davis Jr.)

Suggested Alternatives: "Bee-Mouth Man"; "The Song by That Guy That Used to Hang Out with Frank Sinatra ... No, Not Dean Martin, the Other One ... Never Mind, I'll Google It"

Bow Wow Wow

"I Want Candy" by Bow Wow Wow

Suggested Alternatives: "I Want Coffee"; "I Want Taffy"; "I Want Gravy"

Candide Illustration
Wikimedia Commons

Candide by Voltaire

Suggested Alternatives: "Maybe Try Pessimism?"; "Sound Smart In Party Conversation By Name-Dropping That You Read This"; "Spark Notes Are Still Available"

Halloween Candy
Evergreen Family Dentistry

Actual Candy (Like the Kind You Get on Halloween)

Suggested Alternatives: Delicious Empty Calories; Easier Than Exploring Your Feelings Treats; Road to Diabetes

There's no news about when or if is going to pursue a trademark on "crush," so for now your orange-flavored soft drinks, intense romantic infatuations, and Grooves are safe.

In all seriousness though, there's still time for other entities to object to the trademark before it's made official, but was already successful in their efforts in Europe. Moreover, the trademark wouldn't actually threaten all uses of the word, but the company is asking for "control over the word 'candy' for use in software products, educational services, and clothing — including bath robes, ear muffs, shower caps, underwear, and paper hats," according to PCMag.

What do you think, candy™ lovers? Should a mobile game be able to ruin our enjoyment of sweets, in perpetuity? Tell us your thoughts in the comments below!

Marketing Communications Manager

Jeff Somogyi is the DealNews Media Editor. Since working here he's written deals, features, promotional and newsletter copy, blog posts, as well as scripts for our videos. Follow him on Google+, Twitter at @sommerjam or his blog.
DealNews may be compensated by companies mentioned in this article. Unless marked as a "Sponsored Deal," the opinions expressed here are those of the author and have not been reviewed or endorsed by the companies mentioned. Please note that, although prices sometimes fluctuate or expire unexpectedly, all products and deals mentioned in this feature were available at the lowest total price we could find at the time of publication (unless otherwise specified).
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I hate Capitalism. It makes people stupid.
It will probably be something similar to what apple did
I hope the USPTO (US Patent and Trademark Office) is not crazy enough to grant them a trademark non "candy." They are not entitled to trademark protection giving them ownership to the word candy.
I am boycotting games from now.
This is ridiculous.
Don't laugh... The word "monster" is trademarked by Monster Cable. Ask anybody who's been sued by them how funny it is.
What I find funny is how they get these to pass. It seems the trademark committee and the patent officials seem to enjoy handing out things that just seem ridiculous to normal people.
I just trademarked the word "water" so stop using it or pay me. Next on my list, "The."
@Crismodin Sadly, we are NOT joking, but we did add a clarification. The makers were able to trademark the word in Europe, and are still applying for the same right in the US.
This kind of thing happened in Australia too. For generations Australians have called sheepskin boots UGG BOOTS. Then some Americans came along and trade marked UGG. Also Australian hamburgers often come with an egg on them and Mc Donald's tried to stop restaurants at the Sydney Olympics saying they owned the egg on a hamburger thing.
You're joking, right?
What moron thought that "candy" should be trademarked and allowed it? I can't even put words together to describe how dumb that is on an epic scale.