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Rumor Roundup Roundup Part 1: The UnTrues

Published
Time sure does fly. Can you believe it's been one year since I started doing these Rumor Roundup features?

I CAN. God, it's been a chore. But I do it because people are depending on me (and I need the steady pay check.) So, I soldier on.

I convinced myself to take a look back at some of the rumors I've covered over the past 365 and re-evaluate them. In most instances, it's just an excuse for me to double-up on the snark I've already piled onto the worst of them. Think of this post as a "director's commentary" on a year's worth of rumors!

For the sake of your sanity, I've broken the piece into two bits. This week, I'll cover the best of the "not a chance" rumors, with the "I knew it!" rumors coming next week.

So, without further ado, here are the Best of the Not Trues:

September 21, 2007

October 5, 2007 November 2, 2007
  • Facebook to use your cookies to serve up ads?
    Turns out, what happened was even worse: Facebook would tell all your friends what you've been buying! Thanks for "outing" my secret kinks to all my friends and family, Zuckerberg!
December 14, 2007
  • Best Buy hording Wiis? - Well, we all knew this day would come. Time to send a Hobbit to infiltrate Best Buy's lair and bring the secrets back out for the good of man-kind.
    This one remains unsubstantiated ... but I can't help but feel that they're doing SOMETHING crooked in there ... (They're certainly not putting their attention to customer service, after all, so it MUST be something devious.)
January 4, 2008
  • New iPhone firmware to finally bring copy-and-paste functionality? - Well, kudos to Apple for making something as simple as "CTRL-C, CTRL-V" into a drool-worthy feature. I bet, had they thought of it, they would have left the off-switch off of the device, so that people would clamor for it, then wet themselves when they got it.
    Hilariously, it's STILL absent from the phone. And when a third-party developer tried to create one, it was shut down by Apple's goons. I can only surmise that Steve Jobs is currently working on some sort of device that harnesses the power of Mac fanboy-ism so that, when they finally release their own version, Steve will collect the fervor and use it to re-charge his cold, black, robot heart.
February 15, 2008
  • PC Gaming Alliance to be formed? - They will gather, once a year, in a secret cave, and try to figure out how, with the console market eating into the PC gaming market, they can keep people buying computers. Psst! Here's a hint: Tell people that computers are for more than just gaming! It's crazy, I know!
    This probably happened, but, of course, the first rule of the PC Gaming Club is: Don't talk about PC Gaming Club.
  • NVIDIA to buy AMD? - If this is true, I wonder if NVIDIA's next bright idea will be to tie a boulder around their necks and going swimming.
    Has not happened yet. Instead, NVIDIA decided to create chipsets that fail on a massive scale.
May 16, 2008
  • Slim Xbox 360? - By designing a slimmer form-factor, there won't be enough room on the front to fit that pesky Red Ring Of Death. Problem solved!
    Nope! Looks like MS likes their Xbox "just the way it is". I didn't want to be the first to say it, but I think Microsoft might be "chubby chasers".
That's it! Some of the best of the worst. Come back in the future for part two of this oh-so-exciting series!

Jeff Somogyi is dealnews' Media Editor. He is aware that compiling a "best of" list of his own material is a bit of a "comedy gray zone" ... but when has moral imperative ever stopped him before?

Please note that, although prices sometimes fluctuate or expire unexpectedly, all products and deals mentioned in this feature were available at the lowest total price we could find at the time of publication (unless otherwise specified).
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