By Jeff Somogyi, dealnews Media Editor We thought we'd make it easier for you to catch up on this weeks' tech rumors. Here they are, all washed and ironed for you: Nintendo Working on Super Mario Bros. 4? Had you told me this back in 1990, I would have been excited. Haven't there been, like, a koopa-shell's worth of Mario Brother titles since then? What's the big deal? [IGN] Google Will Offer 5GB of Cloud Storage? How did we get here? How did we all get to a place where the 2GB offered by Dropbox is seen as "a pittance"? We sit upon such riches and we still want more! O! The AVARICE! (That said, SkyDrive offers 25GB of cloud storage, so that's your best bet.) [CNET] Microsoft Will "Further Monetize" Xbox Live? I'm guessing the meeting that led to this corporate directive lasted four days, required free lunches and coffee every day, and resulted in a stunning conclusion of, "Offer things they want to buy." The executives were then allowed to go home, receive bonus checks, and feel like they've made an impact in the world. Good job, corporate America! Keep doing what you do! [joystiq] iPhone 5 Will Have a Siri-Enabled Headset? It will be a Bluetooth wireless headset with a built-in MP3 player that responds to voice commands. So ... like the iPhone, but for your iPhone and with less functionality than an iPhone? I want two of them! (And I don't even have an iPhone ... or maybe because I don't have an iPhone!) [IBTimes] Are Apple and Valve Working on Something? Oh, COME ON! They already make enough off of games that other people make for their devices. Why would they want to invest money into a console or games of their own? Don't be stupid. THINK ABOUT IT! [PC Mag] Jeff Somogyi is the dealnews Media Editor. He realizes that this edition of the RR took a particulary bitter sarcastic tone. Maybe it's because it's the last thing he had to do before starting a week's vacation — or maybe he's broken by week after week of internet rumors. See more of his mental break-downs on Twitter or on his blog. Follow @dealnewsfeature on Twitter for the latest roundups, price trend info, and stories. You can also sign up for an email alert for all dealnews features.