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This Week's Rumor Roundup: Apple, Google, Brad Pitt

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Free lies! Getcher FREE LIES, here!
  • Touchable iMac coming soon?
    Touch sure seems like the future! My dream is that someday, we'll all be able to touch anything we want — without the law getting involved.
  • Brad Pitt to star in Red Dead Redemption movie?
    Brad is, after all, a "very bad man" ... who will also pick flowers for you, if you ask.
  • Next-gen PSP to have controls on its back?
    The reasoning being that on previous versions of the handheld, the controls were terrible. Now, they'll still be terrible, but you won't have to look at them.
  • New iTunes will have "social" features?
    Revolutionary! You'll be able to share the names of artists, songs, TV shows, and movies that you like. Wait, you thought I meant you'd be able to share the actual media?! HAHAHHA! Whooo! *snort* HA! Teehee! Guffaw. Oh ... THAT'S a good one! You are a cut-up!
  • Blockbuster going bankrupt?
    They're just doing it to try to look cool. Joke's on them, declaring bankruptcy isn't as cool as it used to be. Like when all the banks were doing it!
  • Google tradmarks a hardware device called "SpeedBook"?
    If I were to take a guess, I'd say that Google is about to announce some kind of ... book ... that is ... speedy. (I now pause to imagine myself atop a giant book with wheels, cannoning down the interstate.)
  • Apple iTV a sure thing; will cost $99?
    Yeah, sure! This, coming from Kevin "I drink a lot of tea, make poop jokes on a highly successful podcast and, even though I'm the same age as Jeff Somogyi, own several successful web companies, make more money than I can count, know a lot of important people, get invited to fancy dinners ..." Um ... where was I going with this?
Jeff Somogyi is the dealnews Media Editor. Do not pitty him! He gets paid to write comedy and record podcasts for a living. Lucky so-and-so. Read more of his comedy-for-hire @dzheough on Twitter.
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