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This Week's Rumor Roundup: Apple, Microsoft, Google, and more

Published
  • Zune WiFi music store?
    Knowing them, it will be based around yet another new DRM scheme, frustrating users of any "Microsoft approved" device except the Zune.
  • WWE games ported to the Wii?
    Parents of the world cringe in fear over Junior saying, "Watch this!" and launching a drop-kick into daddy's expensive 60" plasma screen.
  • Google considering buying Sprint?
    Pundits speculate that it's so they can get their hands on WiMax. Then use the telco's towers to broadcast a single message: "Google is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful company I've ever known in my life."
  • New Nintendo DS coming?
    Yes, it will happen, but only after the ink starts running out on its money-printing machines that are the current DS and Wii.
  • New iPhone features coming?
    Wow. This one must be straight from "The Cupertino Center for the Research of DUH"! What?! You mean Apple will continue to improve the iPhone?! Preposterous! I thought that once it released something, it simply moved on to the next new thing, right? I mean, what new OS has Apple released since LISA? I certainly haven't heard of any!
  • iTunes Store / Apple TV to get video rental functionality?
    Just as soon as Apple can figure out where to afix "Be kind, rewind" stickers to downloadable content.
  • Sony to announce 16GB Memory Stick?
    Also: 160-minutes cassette tapes! *sigh* NO ONE CARES, ANYMORE, Sony!
  • Google to team with American Idol creator?
    First project: America's Next Top Search Engine Algorithm.
  • Xbox's Fall Dashboard Update to add DivX support?
    About time! I'm sick of having to trans-code my pirated mov ... I mean ... *gulp*
Jeff Somogyi is a dealnews Senior Staffwriter. It's rumored that Simon Cowell called his PERL "pathetic".
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