5 Deals You Need to Know Today: Apocalypse Wow, What Great Savings
It's the end of the world as we know it, but Woot's still dropping prices. Check out this offer and more in our roundup of the five best deals we found over the last 24 hours.
Top Sale Deal
Woot Dealmageddon Event
Up to 78% offOver the weekend, I read Pitchfork's Sunday Review, where they turn off the inhibitor chip and allow one writer a week to enjoy an album like a human being might do. This meant that instead of talking about how dumb and embarrassing Def Leppard are before retroactively awarding their Hysteria album 0.4 out of 10, they talked about how dumb and embarrassing Def Leppard are before giving the album an 8.7 out of 10. All of which is to say I'm incapable of seeing the name of this sale without hearing it sung to the tune of Def Leppard's dumb and embarrassing "Armageddon It". I don't even know what's on sale here, let's look. Dental sponges! Perfect. Love bites.
Top Exercise Deal
Mikolo Smith Machine Home Gym
$690We call it the "Mikolo Smith Machine Home Gym", because that's its name, but I do prefer the nomenclature used in Walmart's description: this is a POWER CAGE. It sounds like a round in the Gladiators TV show, where the contestants have to zorb around in spherical metal cages delivering little colorful balls into the appropriate receptacle, while burly and/or lithe athletes attempt to dissuade them with strong electric tasers. But this deal is more about becoming burly and/or lithe, because despite how silly it may seem to want a "landmine station" in your home, this is that, as well as a chin station, dip station, low row station, suspension trainer, and more. The only scenario where it's good to mix chins with landmines, we reckon.
Top Apparel Deal
Nordstrom Rack Clearance Deals
Up to 97% off over 11,000 itemsSo many thousands of items are discounted in this here clearance sale. That means big names like Crocs, Nike, DKNY, Lucky Brand, and Cole Haan, and that's within six seconds of scrolling through the first page alone. But it also means smaller brands, brands with names you might think someone made up for the purposes of fooling you in an unpopular quiz that's somehow become a regular feature on a deals website. But only one of these brands is actually fake, and that's why it's called the Guess the Fake Brand game. Because we have limited imagination. GUESS:
- FLOOPI
- Civil Society
- Beachlungelounge
- Deturna Manovro
Click here for the answer
It's 4: Deturna Manovro. Which is, Google Translate assures me, Esperanto for "red herring". Dutch for "red herring" is "Rode Haring", which is further proof that all European languages were made up by the same four idiots.Top Tool Deal
1,400ml 20V MAX Electric Paint Sprayer
$24Just once, it would have been great to have Bob Ross welcome us to The Joy of Painting, quietly assure us that we're going to quickly cover our canvas in a base coat of Liquid White, then whip this sprayer out and absolutely blast the entire studio, camera crew included, laughing maniacally like a bad Bond villain. He never did that, alas, but you can. And at a steep savings! Also, what did Bob Ross say after he accidentally dropped a hatchet on a squirrel?
"We don't make mistakes; we just make happy axe-y dents."
Top Home & Garden Deal
Wayfair Way Day Doorbuster Deals
Up to 80% offFor all their bluster, these Doorbuster deals don't include a deal on a door. Missed opportunity, Wayfair. You have to engage with discounts on a meta level to really get ahead in this world. I hope. In any case, don't miss your opportunity to avail of what doorbusters are here, since that opportunity evaporates at the end of the day. There's a deal on a garden gnome mooning, with a bird perched upon his bare buttocks. To be fair, it's possible the bird is his bawk-tologist. (Hey, be serious. He has hen-orrhoids. I'll stop now.)
