5 Deals You Need to Know Today: Home Depot's Biggest Sale of the Season
Home Depot have completely forgotten when Black Friday happens, and now they've gone and run their big sale in spring. Disaster for calendar enthusiasts, but a big win for you and me. Check out this offer and more in our roundup of the five best deals we found over the last 24 hours.
Top Home & Garden Deal
Home Depot Spring Black Friday Sale
Up to 50% offIt's Home Depot's biggest sale of the… Season? Year? Decade? Who can tell? The important thing is, while they're not technically part of the sale, you can currently save on carving knives at Home Depot, and that means I get to talk about Three Blind Mice, the children's nursery rhyme. It's a nice gentle start to the week.
"Three blind mice (x2), see how they run (x2)" — this much is fine, but it is needlessly repetitive. You're not even forcing the "run" in there for a rhyming payoff at the end, so what's going on there? Not important, that's what. Let's move on.
"They all ran after the farmer's wife". Okay, here's where the problems start. All three mice — who are, let's not forget, BLIND — run after the farmer's wife? Do they hunt by sound, like a Spielberg T-Rex? But in pincering packs, like a Spielberg raptor? And prey on farmer's wives, like a Spielberg… Well, he'll come up with something no doubt. And three blind mice in one household? Those odds seem astronomical. Something isn't adding up. Let's keep going.
"Who cut off their tails with a carving knife." I submit to you that it's extremely unlikely that a farmer's wife could so easily catch one mouse, never mind three mice, no matter their quality of vision. Much less carve off their tails once she has one in her grip. But if you insist on that being what happened, then I'm going to argue that the odds have just shot sky high that she also blinded them in the first place, and they were just out for a good old fashioned revenge killing and no one would blame them. Also, this is for kids, let's not forget. Goodnight moon. Goodnight air. Goodnight little mice I've serially mutilated over the course of several days with kitchenware I'm presumably still using to make your dinner.
"Did you ever see such a thing in your life as three blind mice?" No, and I hope I never do, because look at what happens: I vomit uncontrollably at the rodent body horror. Also sickening: the complete lack of "run" rhyme.
Top Printer Deal
HP LaserJet M209d Laser Printer
$69Humankind's need for a monochromatic laser printer has never been so low, which makes it the perfect time to take advantage of what's surely a momentary lull in demand, leading to this significant price low. The first thing you should print is, obviously, a trusted web guide to what could be causing your printer to go wrong, which we all know is the main thing printers do. The second thing you should print is the entire archive of DealNews dot com, because this gold is only going to appreciate in value as the years go by, and well-archived printouts are almost guaranteed to outlast any given webhosting solution. Make a bound book of it. We'll be impressed and a little worried.
Top Coffee Deal
Nespresso Coffee Pods and More at Woot
Up to 63% offDon't talk to me until I've had one… two… as many as seventy deals on coffee pass before my eyes at the good ship Woot (an Amazon company, lest we forget). A fun thing to do is use these beans to make little mosaics instead of coffee. The Académie hates it, but Nespressionism is here to stay. One time this mouse got really into Nespressionism, but his life was also terrible, so he "cut off his own ear". Yeah right, Farmer's Wife. I'm gonna Columbo the hell out of your story.
Top Shoe Deal
Nike Men's Promina Walking Shoes
$45Look at the size of the foam stack on this bad boy. He's more foam than shoe now. It's like if Ginger Spice designed a walking shoe circa 1997. She was, of course, the only Spice Girl actually named after a spice, so their entire gimmick was nonsense. If someone's making a curry and they put ground ginger in, you don't ask any questions. Ground baby? You need to stop hanging around with Farmer's Wives. "Ground Scary" is, of course, the sign that hangs at every trapeze artist school. But I digress.
Top Apparel Deal
Men's New Arrivals at Nordstrom Rack
Up to 80% offWe've learned a lot here today, and it's only fitting that we end it by putting your knowledge to the test. Not your knowledge of things we've already talked about, but your knowledge of a sale at which you've presumably yet to even glance. Before you are four brands, but only one of them is real, plucked like a blind mouse from this Nordstrom Rack extravaganza. The other three are complete flim-flams, frauds, shabaroons. It's up to you to to identify the real brand, otherwise this entire exercise has all been for nougat, and I hate nougat. BRANDS.
- Butter Goods
- FIRST
- Arzani-Volpini
- Klenk
Click here for the answer
The real brand is, incredibly, 1: Butter Goods! The other three are phenomenally unsuccessful Formula 1 teams from history. Let's go!FIRST (who are second) attempted to enter the 1989 Formula 1 season, but had to retire before it even started because they injected their car's chassis with a special epoxy that made it a real chonker, which meant the car was good for nothing but being "an interesting flowerpot", according to its designer.
Klenk's car was supposed to be driven by Hans Klenk, but he got injured while working as a Mercedes test driver, so Theo Helfrich drove it in the 1954 German Grand Prix for eight laps before its engine failed.
This is nothing compared to Arzani-Volpini, who bought a chassis intending to enter the 1955 Valentino Grand Prix, but couldn't get it ready in time. When the team did enter the Grand Prix de Pau in April 1955, it ended in a fatal crash for the driver Mario Alborghetti. Somehow not dissuaded, the team continued, eventually gearing up to enter the 1955 Italian Grand Prix in September that year. There, its engine ran into some issues, and they didn't even start the race.
