5 Deals You Need to Know Today: Yeah We Listen To TLC — Talkin' Leafy Costcuts
You like discounted plants? Head over to Walmart and get your chloro-fill. Check out this offer and more in our roundup of the five best deals we found over the last 24 hours.
Top Garden Deal
Live Plant Deals at Walmart
Up to 70% off"No, I don't want no shrubs," sang TLC, misguidedly. You clowns — plants are how we get breathable air instead of choking to death on our own exhaled carbon dioxide. And you're going to get on their case for not being able to drive? For not having any money? Botanophobia at its worst. No such issues at Walmart, who practically reward you and all your plants for having no money by discounting purchases of further plants. Even better, they're live plants, which is surely preferable to the alternative.
Top Chair Deal
Lazy Penguin Rocking Chair
$131 via code "IFP0SWY"Big plush cushions. A fully contoured backrest. A reinforced frame. "Scientific Anti-tip Structure". Cats in the promotional material. A big discount thanks to that coupon code. All perfect stuff for a rocking chair. But the obvious question remains: What does any of that have to do with a lazy penguin? I'm forced to assume it's based on the kind of seat Burgess Meredith demanded producers have ready for him at all times in between takes of the Batman TV show. Perhaps even in between takes of his narrating the traditional Irish Christmas carol "Don OÃche Úd i mBeithil" for a 1991 Chieftains album. This roundup goes in unexpected directions.
Top Watch Deal
Timex Watch Deals at Amazon
Up to 47% offSome good news: these watches are discounted by up to 47% off. Some better news: there are over three dozen styles on sale. The best news? None of them are those too-clever watches with no numbers or markings on the dial, leaving you to take educated guesses to the exact time instead of doing what a watch solely exists to do, which is give you the exact time at the briefest glance; it's like asking you to tell time by playing fretless bass. Stupid. And there are none of those here, so this is a victory for time, and for us.
Top Shoe Deal
Nike Men's Dunk Low Retro Shoes
$66I once wore the same pair of shoes for about a decade. A fine pair: absolutely non-descript black leather shoes, as comfortable as a pair of slippers, and as sturdy as 1990s Scott Steiner's neck — watch as he plants his opponent's and his own body weight squarely on top of his own head at the end of this video. Brr. The shoes were eventually replaced out of a grim sense of expectation rather than any strict necessity, but would probably still be going strong today otherwise. A better age of shoe. All of which is to say, shoes are functional objects for me, but for someone, this Nike Dunk Low Retro shoe being on sale is about as exciting as seeing a great deal on a 1990s Scott Steiner Hasbro figure. This deal is for you.
(Naturally I do still have a well-used 1990s Scott Steiner Hasbro figure in a container somewhere. I'm not a barbarian.)
Top Mattress Deal
Costco Memorial Day Mattress Sale
Up to $600 off + Bonus Costco Shop CardI've always said it: Mattresses are the Lazy Penguin chairs of the fully reclined. And now here they are, together in discountery. These discounts are for Costco members, admittedly, who'll also get a Costco shop card worth up to $300 with some of these purchases. More like "Cost? No," am I ri—sorry.
