Father's Day is just around the corner, and while we all seem to go out of our way for Mother's Day, we always kinda phone it in for dear old dad, eh? In that tradition, we've phoned in this Father's Day feature, too. (It's basically our Mother's Day Gifts to Avoid feature, just re-worded slightly to make jokes about your old man.)
Without further ado, here are 12 gifts to avoid this Father's Day:
- A copy of The Shining, There Will Be Blood, or Chinatown.
- Wire hangers. (They stretch out suits! Get him nice, wide wooden ones!)
- A pair of black socks and a pair of sandals. (He already "owns" this look.)
- A "draft-your-own-will" kit, with your name pre-filled in the "bequeath everything to" box.
- Discount meat. (Although it's only a bad gift if someone gets sick, right?)
- A handmade coupon good for "one free burial."
- A 1/2-smoked pack of cigarettes.
- Rogaine with Minoxidil
- Anything that could be considered "technology" (because you're just opening yourself up to never-ending tech-support calls and complaints).
- 30-day free trial to Ashley Madison.
- A copy of To Kill A Mockingbird with the inscription, "Now THAT'S a dad!"
- Tickets to Maury for an impromptu paternity test.
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