Think those last-minute flowers you picked up at the supermarket are a great Mother's Day gift? Well, prepare to be humiliated! Here's a list of gifts that famous (and infamous) figures throughout history have given to dear ol' Ma.
Hephaestus
After his mom, Hera, kicked him out of Olympus for being lame, he built a chair for her. Of course, it was a magic chair that once she sat down in, she could never get up from again. Hey, it's the thought that counts!
Alexander the Great
After his victory over the Persians at Battle on the Granicus — at which he almost died — lil' Alex rounded up "all the plate and purple garments" and mailed them off to his mom. What he probably never told her was that he kept a few for himself, too. A modern equivalent is like giving your mom 10 doughnuts.
Emperor Qinglong
In 1750, the emperor commissioned the Summer Palace — the largest imperial garden in the world — as a gift to his mom for her birthday. Sure, it wasn't finished for 15 years, but it was probably worth the wait.
Ary Scheffer
For his mother's birthday in 1838, this famous Dutch painter gave her a self portrait. See, even back then, kids were making things for mom rather than spending their money. History does not state whether he included a frame made of painted macaroni.
Harry Houdini
In 1899 during a tour of Europe, Harry earned the moniker "The Handcuff King" after demonstrating his ability to escape from any jail or restraint. The one thing he couldn't escape? His love for his mom. So he used the new-found riches that came along with his fame to purchase his mom a dress originally made for Queen Victoria and a house in Harlem, New York.
Tsar Nicholas II
In 1913, this Russian ruler gifted his mom an egg. Of course, it was a Fabergé egg made of crystal, covered in more than 3,000 diamonds, and contained a platinum basket full of white agate carvings. It was recently sold for $5.48 million at auction. And here you are grumbling about having to scramble one up for mom for her annual breakfast-in-bed.
Theodore Morse and Howard Johnson
In 1915, they got together and wrote "M-O-T-H-E-R." It would become the epitome of songs for mama (sorry, Boyz II Men). It would also make writing Mother's Day cards really easy: Just fill in the blanks!
Elvis Presley
In 1953, Presley went to Sun Records to record two songs, "My Happiness" and "That's When Your Heartaches Begin," for his mother. These recordings became instrumental in his being discovered as a singer and kickstarted his journey to fame. Of course it also started his journey to a being a fat, drug-taking, dead-on-a-toilet Elvis, too. Happy Mother's Day!
Saddam Hussein
The Presidential Palace at Tikrit is a complex of buildings that includes a palace the former ruler he built for his mother. As a further gift, Hussein also fitted her bathroom with a solid gold toilet.
Mr. T
In 1984 the former A-Teamer put down the guns and picked up the mic to film a musical video called Be Somebody ... or Be Somebody's Fool! The relevant section for our purposes (though the whole thing is pretty great in a pre-post-meta-ironic way) is "treat your mother right." It's an educational ditty about the perils of "putting down" someone else's mother. (It allows personal insults, though.) FUN FACT: If Wikipedia is to be believed, Ice-T wrote the lyrics!
Think you can do better? We think WE can! That's why we put together our Mother's Day Gift Guide. Regrettably, no Fabergé eggs are on sale right now, but we're looking for a coupon.
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