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Gifts to Get for Dad, If You're a Constant Disappointment

Generally, kids don't make a big deal about Father's Day. Here's how to do less-than-nothing for dad.

You probably spent months preparing for Mother's Day, right? Emails flying back and forth between you, your sibling, and your Dad, all to coordinate a lovely Mother's Day brunch. "Where’s it going to be?" "Is it too late to get a reservation there?!" "Will they give Mom free flowers?!" "Will she be allergic to free flowers?!" It's all part and parcel of the day.

But when it comes to Father's Day, we all just assume that we'll head over to his place and that he'll grill us something. We tell ourselves that this isn't making him work on his big day because we all know that dads love grilling, right?

This year, shock the heck outta your dad by actually bringing him something! And, to make it easy on you, choose one of our absolutely last-minute gift ideas from below. It'll be obvious to your old man that you put very little thought into the gift, but "very little" is still better than "none."

Dad's Got Gas

For some reason, fathers are always concerned about gas. We mean petrol. So why not get your dad a gallon of gas? Just stop by the deli on your way to Father's Day dinner and pick up a gallon of milk, and empty it out onto the sidewalk. Then stop at the gas station and fill 'er up! (Warning: gasoline may eat through the thin plastic of a milk jug, so be prepared for that fun, flammable experience!)

Say It With Flowers

Everyone gets Mom flowers, maybe your dad feels left out? Did you ever think of that? Well, no matter how your Pop feels about flowers, the fact is, there are no lines for them on Father's Day. You won't be fighting against other last-minuters at the florist / deli / supermarket like you would on Mother's Day. Take advantage of that stress-free shopping experience and just get him some bloomin' buds. If it doesn't go over well, laugh uncomfortably and say, "Heh. Yeah. I'm kidding... I actually got you this ..." (open your wallet and take out the largest bill you have) "... $5 bill!"

Delay the Inevitable

Tell him that what you got him couldn't be wrapped because it's not a thing, but an experience. The trade-off here is that the cheap thing you didn't buy essentially turns into an expensive thing you have to buy later! It's better if you don't leave the "what" up to the last minute, so think ahead. Can you afford a day of golf next month? Or something grander? You do not want to hear yourself blurt out something wallet-breaking, when the moment comes. "Uh... uh... DEEP SEA FISHING ON THE MOON!" Pricey.

Give a Man a Fish...

Is you dad a fisherman? Did it rain the night before Father's Day? Scour your yard and surrounding sidewalks for worms and put them in a fancy envelope. ("Manila" is considered fancy, right?) Then tell him that it's some kind of high-end imported bait. Imported from your yard! (Don't say this last bit out loud.)

Super Market Sweepings

Dads love to eat steak and drink beer, as Home Improvement, Last Man Standing, and other Tim Allen shows have taught us. Luckily, both of these things can be found in abundance at your local supermarket. Now, the brown-nosing "better" children who planned ahead will have already bought out all the good steaks, so pickings might be slim. Is a package of stew beef better than a filet mignon? Certainly not. But beef is beef and fathers cannot be choosers. Further, in lieu of a thoughtful gift, we're willing to bet that certain dads would gladly accept a lot of thoughtless beer over a little, thoughtful necktie.

Napper's Delight

Start by failing to even show up on Father's Day. When mom calls to ask where you are, ask her to put dad on. (Remember to hold the phone away from your ear as she screams for your father to come to the phone.) Once pop is on the horn, explain to him that your gift to him, this year, is staying out of his hair so that he can do what he loves to do on a Sunday afternoon: Nap in front of the TV. When he mentions that that all of your other siblings — and their noisy families — are in attendance, come back with, "Well, they're not as considerate as I am. Please remember this when revising your will."

Prove It, Old Man!

Boldly show up with nothing and tell him that you're not going to celebrate this holiday unless he can prove that you're actually his child. This is only funny if your father is Maury Povich, or any other similar daytime TV show host. If your dad is anyone else, get ready to run from a very angry and offended man who can still deliver a whoopin'. (But, if you can outrun him, you've saved money on a gift. Score!)

Opt for any of the above and the worst case scenario is that Dad pulls the "I'm disappointed in you, son" card. Which they say makes you feel worse than being yelled at, but being yelled at is, honestly, the worst. (Though we'd never know, as we've never disappointed our Dads — especially not that time we got a speeding ticket and Dad sighed, then said, "Well, it's what I've come to expect from you." Harsh!)

How about we all head off this drama next year by going — right now — and putting a reminder in our Google Calendar, to check the DealNews Father's Day Gift Guide early enough to get something good shipped, hmmm?

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Jeff Somogyi is the DealNews Media Editor. Since working here he's written deals, features, promotional and newsletter copy, blog posts, as well as scripts for our videos. Follow him on Google+, Twitter at @sommerjam or his blog.
Please note that, although prices sometimes fluctuate or expire unexpectedly, all products and deals mentioned in this feature were available at the lowest total price we could find at the time of publication (unless otherwise specified).
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