Black Friday 2013 looms large on the horizon, and everywhere you look, folks are putting on their shopping game faces. Stores are promoting early opening hours, cash-strapped parents are practicing their Elmo-grab, and here at DealNews we're hard at work... rounding up our favorite Black Friday memes. As we've said many, many times, you don't have to go to the store to get the best deals during Black Friday, but we thought we'd make a more compelling argument through the power of memes. Here are the 10 best reasons to stay home and shop online this Black Friday.
1. Crazy Store Hours
Sure, we've put together a handy chart of Black Friday store hours, but you still have to get to bed early on Thanksgiving to ready for those 3 am doorbusters on Black Friday. Just kidding! Since many stores will open in the evening, some of you might have to eat your turkey while waiting in line if you want to take advantage.
2. Black Friday Lines WTF?!
Speaking of lines, if you really want to beat the crowds this year, why not queue up right now? If you're not reading this on our mobile app while camped outside of a Best Buy, you've basically lost Black Friday already.
3. Personal Space? LOL
This year, when you're sorting through clearance Blu-rays with 2,000 of your closest friends, stop and take a big ol' whiff. That, my friend, is the pungent aroma of savings. (Savings smell like turkey breath and unwashed hair.)
4. Black Friday Brings Out the Worst in Others
Every single Black Friday, our TV and computer screens are flooded with videos of folks getting trampled, punched, and Tasered* — all in the pursuit of marked-down merch. If you're not ready for a bloodsport of Van Damme proportions, then maybe Black Friday isn't for you. (*Admittedly, this is the result of a few rare occurrences that are glorified on TV. But still!)
5. Black Friday Brings Out the Worst in You
On the other hand, if your Black Friday survival kit includes brass knuckles, maybe you should stay home, too. We're pretty sure "the iPad was 95% off" isn't a viable defense strategy when you're facing assault charges.
6. It's a Shopping Spree, and Everyone Is Invited
One of the worst side effects of Black Friday is tunnel vision, when you just start grabbing everything in sight. Do you need this scarf? Nope. Wait, is that lady looking at this scarf? Do you need that lady to not have this scarf? Sold!
7. All the Deals Look Awesome (with Inflated Starting Prices)
We're not saying that the MSRP is always a lie ... but the MSRP is always a lie.
8. Seriously, You'll Spend More Time in Line Than Shopping
Now that we think about it, if you're serious about getting ahead of the line game this Black Friday, go on and stake out a spot in the checkout lane at your chosen store. Load up your cart, and just keep asking them to re-check the prices of things until November 29. Checkmate, Black Friday.
9. Congrats on Buying All the Things. Now Lug Them Home!
Wow, you picked up a sweet 60" plasma, a classy new armoire, and five cases of Boone's Farm? Hope it all fits in the Geo!
10. The Internet: Still the Only Place for Shopping in Your Underoos
This Black Friday, the fashion police might give you a pass because it's early (or late) and shopping in nothing but your boxers is infinitely better than shopping nude. The actual police might be less understanding, depending on the stringency of your local public indecency laws.
Of course, you can easily avoid the crowds, the lines, and the law on Black Friday if you just stay home and shop online. Picture it: No hoards of deal-seekers; just you, your laptop, and a cold turkey sandwich. Talk about an epic win! So readers, have we convinced you to stay home during this Black Friday season, or will you still join the sea of rabid shoppers? More importantly, what's your favorite Black Friday meme? Share it in the comments below!