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Let Internet Memes Explain Why Shopping In-Store on Black Friday Is a #FAIL

Updated

Black Friday 2013 looms large on the horizon, and everywhere you look, folks are putting on their shopping game faces. Stores are promoting early opening hours, cash-strapped parents are practicing their Elmo-grab, and here at DealNews we're hard at work... rounding up our favorite Black Friday memes. As we've said many, many times, you don't have to go to the store to get the best deals during Black Friday, but we thought we'd make a more compelling argument through the power of memes. Here are the 10 best reasons to stay home and shop online this Black Friday.


Black Friday hours

1. Crazy Store Hours

Sure, we've put together a handy chart of Black Friday store hours, but you still have to get to bed early on Thanksgiving to ready for those 3 am doorbusters on Black Friday. Just kidding! Since many stores will open in the evening, some of you might have to eat your turkey while waiting in line if you want to take advantage.


2. Black Friday Lines WTF?!

Speaking of lines, if you really want to beat the crowds this year, why not queue up right now? If you're not reading this on our mobile app while camped outside of a Best Buy, you've basically lost Black Friday already.


Black Friday mob
wfmu

3. Personal Space? LOL

This year, when you're sorting through clearance Blu-rays with 2,000 of your closest friends, stop and take a big ol' whiff. That, my friend, is the pungent aroma of savings. (Savings smell like turkey breath and unwashed hair.)


4. Black Friday Brings Out the Worst in Others

Every single Black Friday, our TV and computer screens are flooded with videos of folks getting trampled, punched, and Tasered* — all in the pursuit of marked-down merch. If you're not ready for a bloodsport of Van Damme proportions, then maybe Black Friday isn't for you. (*Admittedly, this is the result of a few rare occurrences that are glorified on TV. But still!)


5. Black Friday Brings Out the Worst in You

On the other hand, if your Black Friday survival kit includes brass knuckles, maybe you should stay home, too. We're pretty sure "the iPad was 95% off" isn't a viable defense strategy when you're facing assault charges.


6. It's a Shopping Spree, and Everyone Is Invited

One of the worst side effects of Black Friday is tunnel vision, when you just start grabbing everything in sight. Do you need this scarf? Nope. Wait, is that lady looking at this scarf? Do you need that lady to not have this scarf? Sold!


7. All the Deals Look Awesome (with Inflated Starting Prices)

We're not saying that the MSRP is always a lie ... but the MSRP is always a lie.


8. Seriously, You'll Spend More Time in Line Than Shopping

Now that we think about it, if you're serious about getting ahead of the line game this Black Friday, go on and stake out a spot in the checkout lane at your chosen store. Load up your cart, and just keep asking them to re-check the prices of things until November 29. Checkmate, Black Friday.


can't lift shopping

9. Congrats on Buying All the Things. Now Lug Them Home!

Wow, you picked up a sweet 60" plasma, a classy new armoire, and five cases of Boone's Farm? Hope it all fits in the Geo!


10. The Internet: Still the Only Place for Shopping in Your Underoos

This Black Friday, the fashion police might give you a pass because it's early (or late) and shopping in nothing but your boxers is infinitely better than shopping nude. The actual police might be less understanding, depending on the stringency of your local public indecency laws.

Of course, you can easily avoid the crowds, the lines, and the law on Black Friday if you just stay home and shop online. Picture it: No hoards of deal-seekers; just you, your laptop, and a cold turkey sandwich. Talk about an epic win! So readers, have we convinced you to stay home during this Black Friday season, or will you still join the sea of rabid shoppers? More importantly, what's your favorite Black Friday meme? Share it in the comments below!

Features Writer

Marcy pens consumer news stories of all sorts, in addition to adding pithy prose to many of the roundups you see every day. Her work for DealNews has appeared on sites like Lifehacker, the Huffington Post, and MSN Money. She is by far the most metal member of the DealNews staff, and you can see why by following her on Twitter @ThatBonebright.
Please note that, although prices sometimes fluctuate or expire unexpectedly, all products and deals mentioned in this feature were available at the lowest total price we could find at the time of publication (unless otherwise specified).
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3 comments
flylowguy
Why "Black Friday"?
Can't we have it in a better color?
Greg the Gruesome
My favorite Black Friday meme will be a Grumpy Cat image macro... when I come across one.

P.S. Hordes, not hoards. #homonympolice
Kyser_Soze
A few years ago, there was a good deal on a TV at Walmart. I found a parking spot, got a map, thet were out of shopping carts, and headed to the location...no TVs left. I saw several people looking around the area like the zombie crowd in your article, all looking for the same TV. There was a lady with one of the TV's in a cart talking to another lady just standing near the location. I walked up to her and asked her where she got it and if any were left. When she turned to answer me, it was then that I could see her name tag that had been hidden by the large TV in the cart. She said it was the last one and let me have it and the cart. There was an audible moan from all of the circling zombies that hadn't thought to ask the lady anything!
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