Black Friday 2014 looms large on the horizon, and everywhere you look, folks are putting on their shopping game faces. Stores are promoting early opening hours, shoppers are dodging sketchy "early" Black Friday sales, and here at DealNews we're hard at work... rounding up our favorite gifs. You see, we always say you don't have to go to the store to get the best deals during Black Friday, but we thought we'd make a more compelling argument through the power of these hilarious images. Here are the 10 best reasons to stay home and shop online this Black Friday.
Skipping Thanksgiving is the Worst
Because retailers will open up as early as 6 am local time on Thanksgiving, you might as well toss that turkey out the window. Heading to the stores on an empty stomach on America's favorite feast day is a recipe for disaster, if you ask us.
Black Friday Lines WTF?!
Speaking of store hours, if you really want to beat the crowds this year, why not queue up right now? If you're not reading this on our mobile app while camped outside of a Best Buy, you've basically lost Black Friday already.
Personal Space? LOL
This year, when you're sorting through clearance Blu-rays with 2,000 of your closest friends, stop and take a big ol' whiff. That, my friend, is the pungent aroma of savings. (Savings smell like turkey breath and unwashed hair.)
Black Friday Brings Out the Worst in Others
Every single Black Friday, our TV and computer screens are flooded with videos of folks getting trampled, punched, and Tasered* — all in the pursuit of marked-down merch. If you're not ready for a bloodsport of Van Damme proportions, then maybe Black Friday isn't for you. (*Admittedly, this is the result of a few rare occurrences that are glorified on TV. But still!)
Black Friday Brings Out the Worst in You
On the other hand, if your Black Friday survival kit includes brass knuckles, maybe you should stay home, too. We're pretty sure "that iPad was 95% off" isn't a viable defense strategy when you're facing assault charges.
It's a Shopping Spree, and Everyone Is Invited
One of the worst side effects of Black Friday is tunnel vision, when you just start grabbing everything in sight. Do you need this sweater? Nope. Wait, is that lady looking at this sweater? Do you need that lady to not have this sweater? Sold!
All the Deals Look Awesome (with Inflated Starting Prices)
Even the best budgets have been busted by "bargain" prices that only look good next to a massively inflated retail price. "These shoes are $2,000, marked down from $5,000. I must have them!"
Seriously, You'll Spend More Time in Line Than Shopping
Now that we think about it, if you're serious about getting ahead of the line game this Black Friday, go on and stake out a spot in the checkout lane at your chosen store. Load up your cart, and just keep asking them to re-check the prices of things until November 28. Checkmate, Black Friday.
Congrats on Buying All the Things. Now Lug Them Home!
The Internet: Still the Best Place for Shopping in Your Underwear
This Black Friday, the fashion police might give you a pass because shopping in your boxers is infinitely better than shopping nude. The actual police might be less understanding, depending on the stringency of your local public indecency laws. Of course, you can easily avoid the crowds, the lines, and the law on Black Friday if you just stay home and shop online. Picture it: No hoards of deal-seekers; just you, your laptop, and a cold turkey sandwich. Talk about an epic win!
So readers, have we convinced you to stay home during this Black Friday season, or will you still join the sea of rabid shoppers? Share your Black Friday war stories and strategies in the comments below!